Sunday, August 28, 2011

I have thought of writing a will to leave behind juz in case anything happens to me.
Yes, I am miriculously writing in clean english so that any simpleton can read and understand.
So you might wonder why now? Why not when I am older around 60 when I fear of dying then? Yes even right now at 4am in the morning, I am still very clear headed. I don't like to lie as much as white lie could do much better than truth in your face. I mean I at this age already been through quite alot of dark and light times so much that I have a mature thinking of at least 25 years old.
My will is very simple of nature.
Anything that carries a dollar tag will belong to my mother. I am considered quite young so I don't have much cash but if I do, it will all go back to my mother. Next anything I still need to take back should be returned to my family for example money or clothes? I am not too sure what others still owed me. All my soft toys should be sold at their marketprice as I am the only sole owner and there is'nt much reason to keep them since I am gone. The money raised from the toys should then help to cover my funeral.
I don't intend to have a lavish one hence just 3days will do for my loved ones including my family and my friends to send me off on my final journey. My costumes should also be sold off if there is a need and if not should be kept. Things that I intend to give my loved ones are in my drawer that is locked and only accessible by my mother. Inside lies my whole life that I treasured. My acessories should also be returned to my mother.
The only exception is the onyx bracelet that I love to wear to important family functions such as wedding. I would love to give it to my current partner who plays a very big part in my life now. By giving him the onyx bracelet, I hope it will remind him that moving on would be more important as it represents my blessing to him in his future without me.
Another important thing I would like to mention is that I would hope that my facebook account will be deactivated as I do not want to torment those living in shadow of my passing. I would also hope that my blog after taking this will in consideration will be deleted away so as to seal away the memories of me from hurting those living.
I realise i missed out another important part. One of my soft toy will be given to my partner as a respect that he has been through a lot with me in my passion and I wish to thank him with all my heart. The toy is a cinamoroll toy that he caught for me and I hope that by returning that toy, he will learn that I appreciated him very much despite our difference in hobby and interests.
Lastly I would hope that my loved ones will understand that I am sorry that I could not fufil all my promises to be with them no matter what and dreams will always remain as dreams. I love u all and I hope that this will would bring some peace to them.
Eunice Ng Li Juan ( my first will )

Labels: death, will

posted at 1:15 PMInuyasha

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Friday, May 13, 2011

love ish juz a lie
i neva neva wanted to use the word again
its so easy to use it and nt keep to it
love was juz a game to mani pple
whether cupid hits u now or ltr

u neva noe if its juz a arrow tipped wif poison
an arrow tht misses its actual target and fell on u
no wat if the cupid hits u but misses him
then wtf..
u like a person who will neva like him

hence my reasoning fr nt believing in a reglion
i dun wana curse a reglion cos
sth happens

posted at 11:49 AMInuyasha

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Sunday, May 08, 2011

i was meant to be alone frm the start
then why bless mi wif so mani frenz ...
make mi happy then take them away one by one
wats the pt.?

my frenz stand beside mi trying to support mi
but my burden too heavy drag everyone down
i rather suffer it alone
no one else has to be bothered
i shd shd have died
then the pain of being wif mi wldnt exist
the pain of noeing a person like mi
the ridiculous fate playing a fool wif my frenz

i m of no value
im here cos i exist thts all
there was no purpose i failed to find my purpose too
wanted to live fr someone yet
tht someone abandon mi and mani others followed
maybe i wasnt worth it
maybe god wans mi to see him earlier
then why make mi in the 1st place?
dun waste time and hurry up take mi away

i noe my time ish running out somehow i feel it
as days go by, running out of purpose and meaning in life
my heart ached at the past and memories
tht i threw away
tht i left behind
i took up all my strength to move on everyday
but its burning my heart away
the pain ...no one cld understand
the person who claimed cld have understand didnt understand too
if he as a person who suffered the same fate cldnt feel the same pain
then who else cld?

no one...
the ans i reached at

im left alone again wif no one to rely on...

posted at 8:52 AMInuyasha

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Tuesday, February 08, 2011

i noe no one read my blog since i made it private..or maybe nt
wateva it is
im back here again yays~~~ life sux
as usual
im alone again ..
giving pple chances is so hard when in the end the one pained is juz mi
tis time round, its realli stupid
onli to be hurt and yet nt given anything back in return

i tot tht someone will be there but guess i was a fool
my hand keep reaching out for someone real
but all i get is pple who wan mi for their own selfish gains
im a toy tht get played and they re bored wif
then they kick aside and ask mi to get out of their life

wat kind of person am i?
i always tot death was the ans out
then i realise it was always mi who was like death to them
im sth tht pple avoid
i keep crying hoping someone will feel my pain
but nooo i dun wan pple to feel it
i wan someone there to share it
but no one is there when i look ard

im alone as usual
my heart totally crushed
its nt broken anymore
its totally ruined
all the cracks had lead to a crushed heart tht bld non stop
i keep falling for wrong pple
why why?
maybe last time
i did too mani bad things im paying if wif tis life

tis life..pls end it so tht i can feel better

posted at 11:18 AMInuyasha

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Saturday, December 04, 2010

I knew he neva read my blog despite mi reading his blog
guess im silly hoping tht he will read my blog and understand how i feel
my heart still misses mi ..but i no longer wan to use physical to love him
i wan an emotionally fufilling r/s
im now getting to noe another guy ...who ish direct opposite of him
nt bothered of mi and sees frenz more impt than mi

its feeling like i fall for extremes all the times
im nt complaining and its always ended up in 1 sided
love tht ish 1 sided actually hurts the most
and sometimes re reading msges frm the past makes mi so heartbroken
when i wan to delete them, my thumb wld jammed
like as if telling mi tht i shd ctd to hold on..but then my tears drop so fast
tht i cldnt hide it

yet as my tears fall, pple re right
they re juz signs of weakness and nth more
when u do nth bout it, u re still weak stupid and silly
even though so much has happened, i still love him
isit juz mi?
tht my love was so strong yet his was so weak?
i cld forgive him cos i truely love him no matter wat
yet he cldnt forgive mi no matter wat?
then wat re those smses tht promises to be by my side?
wat re those words u promised to mi?

im so tired ..

posted at 8:08 AMInuyasha

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Monday, October 18, 2010

I was lamenting bout the fact tht life was so slow
and getting veri sick for mi ..
the truth ish tht i juz didnt wan to let go ..like a fool
hoping for sth to change but nth did

as said by shogun,
im walkin fwd so slowly wif my face facing backwards..
my world started to break apart
even though i tried my best to fill up the empty space wif work
its difficult unless i work FULL shift every single day
which i might start to do soon
then maybe i will be too tired by then

like how i nosebld 2dae
i felt giddy tht a colleque caught hold of my arm and led mi to rest
she tinks tht i might have overpush myself
i told her i didnt and in fact asked to go on which i did eventually
:)
happily working my life away
haha :P

although my god bros re attempting to
meet mi all the time, i noe tht one day they too will be bz wif their lives
to be bothered bout mi
>_<
i feel so bad to ask them out all the time
but we did had much fun all the time
playing darts at 1am was new for mi and so ish taking NR bus

thanks to all those trying to help mi thrgh tis tough time

<3 u all lots

posted at 5:02 AMInuyasha

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Monday, September 13, 2010

I;ve decided to type down my work days everyday so its easier to keep track of wat happened thrghout the day itself
i cant type out whr i work to keep the privacry of the clinic itself
so yah here goes nth
Day1: reached at freaking 8.30+ or so im early by 30mins..cos i woke up at 6.30am means next time juz wake up at 7am
:)
heard a dog barking non stop some whiteXblack medium size dog running all ard..
oh there ish a senior in there by the name of eyonne i hate spelling names
supposed to be one yr my senior i totally no recollection of her..
swt..

there ish another receptionist nt as frenly cant rmb her name
argh but at least she's quite professional
i was standing in the clinic wif nth to do frm 9-10.30 how power ish tht?
i guess they re too bz..
at least by 10.30, a vet tech called Ronald asked mi to help out
he was also the guy tht walked out tails in the morning ard 9am.
he smiled and said hi ..loLs..
Haha anyway

oh b4 tht i shd have stated some sad things i notice.
a Caucasian guy rushed in wif a cat in towel and said emergency to the receptionist
btw at tht pt of time, both vets re booked.
but the receptionist immd told one of the vet to attend to it first..
after 20mins, it was declared dead and the entire waiting rm went silent.
a lady stood beside the guy and cried..holding tightly to the cat.

i felt heartpained even though i neva had a pet cat.
all the ownas in the waiting rm must have felt the same as everyone went quiet
in fact one of the owna even pushed open the door fr her.
i was veri softspoken cos i dun wish to give a bad impression
but the vet techs there re veri frenly helping mi here and there
in fact some saw my scars and i had to lied tht it was due to cats

they believed and smiled
now i wonder how im gonna lie to them bout those on my left arm.
since my formal wear covered them 2dae, i guess im nt bothered tht much
since im going to see a psycharist soon ..
haish im going in alone chances re tht i wont speak at all
= =
LoLs
my supervisor wasnt in so i reported to random vets in the clinc

I learnt alot of new restraint methods and even injection regions/methods..
wah their SC ish realli everywhr one..
most impt i learnt how to do an IV drip properly for the first time
freaking schl has a spoilt one and expects us to do it properly
pui
= = although i nid to comment tht they do nt have enugh drip pump
sth tht controls the drips going into the patient
so interesting how come our schl dun even have..pui X2
must be damn ex since the clinic onli has 2

then i realised tht in the clinc, the vet tech actually noted tht ish a lack of sodium chloride dripw/o the gluocose content
means diabetic patients re in trouble..
o.o
but anyway slashin tht part away,
doing stock up was easy and fun loLs ..
most commmon used needles being 23, 25 and 18G
eh i cant rmb got 21 ma..
= = GG shit..
but i do noe tht syringes re commonly 1,3 and 5 ml

i started off watchin a dental cleaning going on
learn how to identify ginigivitis which ish mild
then scaler and polisher
bella also has a drooling issue
but she ish veri sweet and gentle

next i was introduced to the rest of the staff
unfortunately they can rmb my name but i cant rmb theirs!!! OMG!!~~~
LoLS..
i sux at name rmbing
oh yah..i do rmb the vets surname after getting it wrong once..
dr chan came in much later than dr heng and dr ang
he took on more of the cases in the afternoon

i noticed the layout of the rm was interesting
the front waiting rm cld at most hold onli 6clients or more abit within the clinic
outside there re 4 chairs
i noticed there all clients coming in has to weigh their pets themselves
and it seemed tht then the receptionists will record the weight down
and asked to sign a admission form

then the layout was consultation rm 1 and 2 on the front wif 1 slightly behind
almost same lvl wif the surgery rm but opposite each other
the storage rm ish sandwiched btwn consultation rms
so ish the xray rm
which allows closure by stepping a pedal
its such a long blog ..wow
anyway i like their organisation of cases coming in tht nid surgery done
patient surgery tx vet ACED: pre med KV/P: anaesthetic
PP2- bld test fr liver and kid to test for anaesthetic risk
general calculation
fr drip: 60ml/kg/day might double if nid to for maintenance
FLUTD: due to blockage of urethra
flushing of urethra and drainig bladder
but i do nt understand why sometimes they label the cages in the holding unit
but forgot to label the owna cages..

thts all for now..>_< veri exhausted

posted at 6:42 AMInuyasha

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